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Scripture references:  Isa. 40:28-31, Heb. 11:6, Jas. 2:17, Eph. 6:4, John 15:9, Eph. 5:15-16

When I was a policeman and a pastor, I worked long hours. I spent nights on the street buying drugs and my weekends working with families and kids at our church. My wife and I were raising three daughters who weren’t always doing exactly what I wanted them to do – but I had big dreams for them spiritually. 

But my dreams didn’t always come to fruition when they were growing up. We even had a really tough time with one of our kids…

Trying to juggle jobs and schedules and kids is something I understand. Although I didn’t always do a good job at it, I did my best to raise my daughters in a godly way that helped them learn how to walk with the Lord. I want to share with you some of the “dos” and “don’ts” of parenting that I’ve learned for raising kids in a wicked culture – when you often don’t have enough time to think! 

First, I want to point out that no family is exactly the same. Second, I want to emphasize that God is very gracious and He can make up for any of our failures as parents!

HOW TO REACH YOUR KIDS FOR CHRIST: DO 

Enjoy your kids wherever they are spiritually. Children are more likely to be open with and listen to a concerned friend than an angry or disappointed parent. 

Be an encouraging voice. Remember that you cannot constantly beat up their friends, their culture, their music, etc. They have no control over their age, their peers, or the rotten society they live in. Don’t be too critical or harsh with them over things that aren’t that significant.

Be patient and rely on God’s sovereign work. Understand that certain things are a part of your role as a parent and other things fall outside your role as a parent. For example, when you’re a part of a union, you’re trained to do only your job and to know your role. Similarly, when you’re trying to reach your kids, there are some things you do and there are other things God does. Although it can be hard and tiring to wait on the Lord to move in the life of your kid, you have to have patience and understand that some things are only the Lord’s work – and the Lord never grows weary in his work! He is at work and, if you lean on Him, He will renew your strength as well (Isa. 40:28-31). 

Isaiah 40:28-31 says, “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become tired or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who has no might He increases power. Even youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, but those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] will gain new strength and renew their power; they will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not grow tired” (AMP). 

Louis Palau, a great evangelist, prayed for his kids constantly. He wanted to see all of them place their faith in Christ, but one of his sons rejected Christianity for years… until he was 27 years old. It was only after 27 years of hearing the same message over and over again that his son, Andrew, finally came to Christ (Luis Palau identifies key to bringing wayward children back to Christ, The Christian Post)! 

There are no guarantees that every one of our kids will turn their life around, but as a parent, we must be patient and never give up hope in God’s ability to move! 

Invest your time in learning God’s word and doing God’s work. This may seem ineffective, but it matters! Hebrews 11:6 says, “But without faith it is impossible to [walk with God and] please Him, for whoever comes [near] to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He rewards those who [earnestly and diligently] seek Him” (AMP). God promises that He will reward you for seeking Him, and this also reflects a posture of putting your trust in God – which breeds even more trust in Him as well. 

Spend time with your kids doing things they enjoy. This is very practical! Parents often default to spending time with their kids while doing things that the parent enjoys or has already planned on doing. It’s important to make room for doing things with your kids that they enjoy. While my daughters were growing up, I had to learn to try to do things a 7th grade girl liked doing! For example, one time I took my daughter to an NSYNC concert – not a place I would normally go – and she still remembers it. Let me tell you, it is something I will never forget either! 

Help them join in activities with fellow believers participating in the supernatural work for the Lord, like going on a mission trips. This kind of experience can yield a powerful return in the lives of your kids as they see first-hand in different ways how the Lord is at work. I have had the privilege of taking tons of students – including my daughters – on mission trips while working as a youth pastor. There is nothing quite like it! 

Allow your kids to go to camps with good student ministry groups. A high percentage of Christians get saved through camps. They can get away from everyday life and experience and learn about the Lord in a new way. 

Be strategic about reaching your kids. Treat raising your kids like graduate school or planning for your career. Weirdly enough, there are no courses required to become a parent – but it is the most important job you have! You should work on excelling as a parent with the same effort and planning you put into excelling in your career.

HOW TO REACH YOUR KIDS FOR CHRIST: DON’T

Don’t be an ostrich. Sometimes it’s easy to assume that your kid is doing fine because you like them, but it’s important to remember not to stick your head in the sand. It can be dangerous to have confidence that your children are all doing OK without checking in on them. It’s not always a sure thing, so it’s best to keep your head out of the sand and stay involved regularly. 

Don’t settle for the “decision” for your kids to give their lives to the Lord. Although, you should pray that their decision is real. Continue to walk with them and encourage them to pursue God and His plan for their life above other worldly things. James 2:17 says, “So too, faith, if it does not have works [to back it up], is by itself dead [inoperative and ineffective]” (AMP). It’s too easy to act like their decision to follow Jesus is just a box to check when we should continue watching their lives as they grow in their faith. 

Don’t think that you will hurt their spiritual lives by advocating for Christ. One of Satan’s main methods for trying to keep parents from talking about Christ is to discourage them in this way – by making them think that it will somewhere have a negative impact on their kids. You’ve got to remember that loving, kind truth is always valuable for your children. 

Don’t let your kids see too much disappointment. If they feel that you are disappointed in them too often, they will eventually give up trying to please you. Humans naturally give up trying to satisfy someone who is never happy with them “no matter what they do.” This goes along with Ephesians 6:4, which says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” 

Don’t make education, sports, or church attendance the barometer for your love for your kids. Love them as Christ loves you. Jesus said in John 15:9, “I have loved you just as the Father has loved Me; remain in My love [and do not doubt My love for you].” Isn’t that amazing that Jesus’ love for us is like the Father’s love for him with all his holiness and perfection? Jesus’ love for you is not based on your performance. It is perfect and unfailing love. 

So those are some of the tips for parenting that have helped me in raising my daughters over the years. But lastly, I also want to leave you with a couple of bonus bits of advice from a wise Christian friend of mine, Joe Henriques. 

First, it’s a good thing to informally share what happened in your day with your kids. Let them know how God helped you, what you were praying for, what struggles you faced, and how you’re choosing to trust God. Kids like authenticity and will respond to it.

Second, when you share with your kids is as important as how you share or what you’re hoping to accomplish by sharing. What I mean by this is that there are no guarantees for how much time you’ll have with your kids to make a spiritual impact on their lives. 

Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “Therefore see that you walk carefully [living life with honor, purpose, and courage; shunning those who tolerate and enable evil], not as the unwise, but as wise [sensible, intelligent, discerning people], making the very most of your time [on earth, recognizing and taking advantage of each opportunity and using it with wisdom and diligence], because the days are [filled with] evil.” 

Redeem the opportunities God gives you when you see them – because they’re rare and they won’t always be there. Sense the Spirit’s leading and make the most of every opportunity! 

Remember that only you have the unique and significant role in the life of your child as their mom or dad. No one else holds that position in the life of your kid. So be confident, be patient, and be calm. Be truthful and speak the truth with a loving demeanor. Be the priest of your family and pray as you’ve never prayed before – all throughout the day – at specific times of the day for God to be at work in you and the life of your family as you raise the children that the Lord has entrusted you with.